**Ok, so I got a little bored writing about my night with lobster, so I decided to make it into a 50’s noir type post. I have read very little from this genre, and I haven’t written a story in a long time. Also, it will be a little (probably a lot) lame. Finally, everything in this story didn’t happen, other than for the fact that I made lobster tonight. Have fund**Tonight was an interesting night. It all started with a very sincere want to make a lobster pot. Two weeks ago, I was at Albertson’s and they had some lobster for sale in the deli case. I thought to myself, “I can’t pass this up, the price is just too good.” I asked the deli-man for two. He gave me a keen look, but I couldn’t be distracted by him, I was worried about my girlfriend, and if she would like lobster. The deli-man said something under his breath as he was handing me my lobster, I wasn’t too happy and I opened my overcoat to show him I meant business. He got the message. I was glad, I didn’t want any more stains on my hand; doing my kind of work you think you get used to it, but you never do. It’s a cold and dreary night, and I have to walk home, lucky for me it’s only a few blocks away. So, I hunker down and make my way, hoping I don’t run into Vinnie. Our last poker game didn’t go so well. What I’ve heard on the streets is that he wants the 100 bucks or two of my fingers. I sure as hell wasn’t going to part with my fingers, but I didn’t have his money, either.
I make it home. My girlfriend is on the phone and when she spots me she drops everything and gives me a big kiss. I wasn’t the mushy type, but that was the first good thing to happen all day. Maybe, she hasn’t figured out that I got the lobster, but she’ll know soon enough. As I’m putting the groceries away, she grabs the lobster and grabs my coat by the neck. “You got lobster?! I don’t know if I even like lobster; what did you have in mind with this?” I smell her perfume, it’s sweet and intoxicating and I almost forget that she’s got me by the neck. “It’s for the lobster pot I’m going to make,” I say as I loosen the grip from my neck, “You’re going to like it, I swear, Honey.” I figure I have to let the situation cool for a bit, so I don’t bring it up for two weeks.
It’s finally time. I had to settle my nerves, so I stop by the local bar to grab a few beers. I ask the bartender for 2 beers. He doesn’t understand why I don’t order one now and get the second one later, but as he’s about to ask me why, I spot Vinnie in the corner of my eye. Not the person I wanted to see when I needed to relax a bit. He’s alone, which means I can give him a hard time if he comes at me with his knife for my fingers. As he walks over, I reach down to get my gun ready. But, I keep reaching, there’s nothing there; I must have forgotten it at home. “I know you’ve been looking for me, Vinnie. I don’t have your money.” He reaches inside his coat, and I think I’m a goner, when he suddenly slams down a stack of cards. He says, “I heard you got some lobsters two weeks ago, I want them. I’ll play you for them. If you win, I’ll let your debt slide, if you lose, I take your lobster and you owe me double the money.” With that offer, I couldn’t refuse. Three hours go by, and we’re down to the last hand, winner take all. Where the hell is my second drink. I gotta keep focused, I have it all on the line. There’s a flush draw on the table and I know he’s got it, but I have three of a kind and the river hasn’t been played, yet. The sweat is dripping down my brow, the bartender has stopped serving and the dealer is shaking. What is it already!!?? All I need is another king. Time slows to a standstill as the dealer flips over the last card. It’s the king of spades. I dodged a bullet there. Little do I know, I wouldn’t be so lucky later.
Fresh off my win, I decide I’ve done enough relaxing, more like none at all, and go home to make the lobster pot. I take my knife out of my pocket, and start to cut up the sausage. I get the shrimp and scallops ready; all go in the pressure cooker. Five minutes later, we’re ready to eat. I let her take the first bite. How are we going to get into the lobster! We don’t have any claw crackers, only our cutlery. That’s when everything goes flying. It hit me first. She was going at the claw with her fork, and it slipped. The shell dislodged and came right at me; it almost took out an eye. But, I could go on. After the claws and the tail, we wanted more, but what else could we eat? Opening up the shell around the body, everything looked odd and unlike anything I’ve seen before. I tried going in for something, but she said, “Don’t eat anything green!” I was going to do it, but I think she saved my life.
Well, fake story aside, here are some tips, and questions I have about lobster.
Tips:
Learn what you can and cannot eat on a lobster
make sure you have claw crackers.
Don’t be afraid to get dirty. You are going to hit whomever you’re eating with with stray fluids or shells.
Throw the trash out right away.... pew
Questions:
Can you eat the green stuff?
What can’t you eat from a full lobster?
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